Embracing Uncertainty

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The unknown can be so overwhelming.  All the possibilities that roll through your brain, the good and the bad, the most simple and the most complex.

Two weeks ago my Grace was in getting her sports physical, and the doctor called me in and showed me that Grace had a very large thyroid. The information seemed to be simply passing through my ears. I kept mentally repeating over and over, “Don’t react, if you freak out you will scare the crap out of Grace, it could be a very simple fix.”

Blood tests were immediately done, and an ultrasound scheduled. Then we had to wait. Waiting for the ultrasound, now waiting for results. When we left the ultrasound, I wished for nothing more than to know how to read what I had just watched.

I was a mess, it sucked all the energy right out of me.  I just wanted to be left alone, in a small house full of six people, that is a very hard thing to do.  I found myself in the bathroom sitting in the bathtub with the door locked, telling my kids I was in the tub, and not lying to them.

There I let out my tears. I could release the worry and the fear of the worst, face it mentally, go over the worst case scenario, and plan out how we would handle it.  As I kept trying to pull myself together, I decided that I needed to let it all go.  I needed to embrace the unknown, and just let things play out how they were going to happen.

Deciding that nothing on the schedule for the evening was as important as just clearing our heads and spending time together as a family, we hit the beach, it was a very windy day and the waves were perfect to play in.  After about an hour, Grace came over and sat by me.  She said, “Wave or beach therapy should be a thing, I feel so much better than I did after my ultrasound.” I hugged her and told her that I did too.

We don’t know how this chapter will play out, we will have more answers soon, but as much as I would like to put a name on this chapter, it is still unnamed and I have finally found peace with that.

Together we will make it.

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